1.  We find it hard to believe: contacts, members, and sister missionaries.

2.  We believe that speakers should be punished for speaking too long and not the congregation.

3.  We believe by blaming things on your companion you can escape all kinds of punishment.

4.  We believe the first four principles of getting back borrowed articles are: (1) asking, (2) begging, (3) stealing, (4) the laying on of hands.

5.  We believe a missionary should be raised by sprinkling and the laying on of hands if not out of bed by 6:30.

6.  We believe in working with the same organization that existed in the primitive church, namely: active members, apostates, dry mormons and children.

7.  We believe the letters from girlfriends to be the word of love, as far as they are translated correctly; we also believe the letters from our mothers to be the word of love.

8.  We believe part of what our companions have said, part of what they are saying now, and we believe that they will try to feed us a lot of bull in the future.

9.  We believe in the literal gathering of all missionaries at conference and mission presidents will reign personally in the mission.

10.  We claim the privilege to write to our own girlfriends according to the dictates of our own conscience and allow no other man the same privilege.

11.  We believe in being subject to: senior companions, district leaders, zone leaders, assistants, sickness, and mission vehicle breakdowns.

12.  We believe in being: showoffs, spend thrifts, toughs, and chastised; indeed we follow the example of our zone leaders and if there is anything beautiful, shapely, or blond, we seek after these things.