ArticlesPerformance Standards for Missionaries
- Written by Author Unknown
Mission President
1. Leaps tall buildings with a single bound.
2. Is more powerful than a locomotive.
3. Is faster than a speeding bullet.
4. Walks on water.
5. Talks with God.
The King Follett Discourse
- Written by Joseph Smith
Beloved Saints: I will call [for] the attention of this congregation while I address you on the subject of the dead. The decease of our beloved brother, Elder King Follett, who was crushed in a well by the falling of a tub of rock has more immediately led me to this subject. I have been requested to speak by his friends and relatives, but inasmuch as there are a great many in this congregation who live in this city as well as elsewhere, who have lost friends, I feel disposed to speak on the subject in general, and offer you my ideas, so far as I have ability, and so far as I shall be inspired by the Holy Spirit to dwell on this subject.
Extract from All Things Wise and Wonderful
- Written by James Herriot
"It's the same the whole world over, it's the poor wot gets the blame. It's the rich wot gets the pleasure..."
Night Watch
- Written by Author Unknown
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside. "Your son is here," she said to the old man. She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened. Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young man in the uniform standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement. The marine sat alongside the bed.
Forgive Me When I Whine
- Written by Author Unknown
Today upon a bus, I saw
A lovely maid with golden hair;
I envied her—she seemed so gay—
And oh, I wished I were so fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle;
She had one foot and wore a crutch,
But as she passed, a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine;
I have two feet—the world is mine.
Why English Is Hard To Learn
- Written by Author Unknown
We'll begin with box; the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox is oxen, not oxes.
Judge Ye Not
- Written by Author Unknown
I dreamed that death came the other night
And heaven's gate swung wide.
With kindly grace an angel
Ushered me inside.
Dignity and Majesty Have I Seen But Once
- Written by Parley P. Pratt
In one of those tedious nights we had lain as if in sleep till the hour of midnight had passed, and our ears and hearts had been pained, while we had listened for hours to the obscene jests, the horrid oaths, the dreadful blasphemies and filthy language of our guards, Colonel Price at their head, as they recounted to each other their deeds of rapine, murder, robbery, etc., which they had committed among the “Mormons” while at Far West and vicinity. They even boasted of defiling by force wives, daughters, and virgins, and of shooting or dashing out the brains of men, women and children.