Address Delivered To Missionaries By Elder Spencer W. Kimball
January 2, 1959

Now the most important thing of all in your life—that which will have the greatest bearing on what you are going to be tomorrow, on your activities, your attitudes, your eventual destiny, is your one decision you make that moonlit night when you ask that individual to be your companion for life. That's the most important decision of your entire life. It isn't where you are going to school, or what lessons you are going to study, or what your major is, or how you are going to make your living. These are incidental and nothing compared with the important decision that you make when you ask someone to he your companion for eternity.

Once in a while we have returned missionaries who marry out of the temple and out of the Church. It is impossible to understand, but it happens. Each one of you should make up his mind right now, "Here's one who will never marry unless it is in the Temple of God to a righteous individual who will be better than myself and stimulate me to the highest things." We need that kind of determination; then we really know that every year is our destiny. Much is tied up in that one decision, Don't forget that.

You can't go home, brethren, and meet a flossy; you sisters can't go home and date some man who thinks that maybe someday he will be worthy to go to the Temple. You go home and find a person that will stimulate you, one that will keep you on your toes, one that will make you better than you are—never anyone that will let you relax. I would never be in the Council of the Twelve today if I had married some of the girls that I have .known. Sister Kimball kept me growing and never let me be satisfied with mediocrity. It's the same way with you men and girls. Now don't forget that.

Now, just a few rather specific things; when you go home, start to live the day that you get home. Go right on and live if you are not already living! Don't you wait until your military service is over or until your education is completed to get married. Every one of you who receives an honorable release from his or her mission is old enough to he married. You're old enough that day—even if you have a lot of growing and developing to do. Most of you will need to make new contacts. You are not going home just to have a good time. We still have a wonderful time in our advanced ages; we're always going to have. Sister Kimball and I still like to dance. We even have the TV on sometimes and dance in our own room. At our venerable age we still like to dance and we like to go to shows—we never get to, but we like to go.

When you go out there and start to look the field over, there are wonderful young women and young men in the Church—tens of thousands. There is no excuse for any man to take a second rate girl, because there are so many lovely girls in this Church. Go all over this Church if you need to, to find the girl that is better than you are. Find her, and when you date her, you date her just for one date. The first time, if she measures up, invite her again. If she measures up again, you are old enough to go steady.

It is presumed that you have all had many dates with many girls and many boys in the years before your missions, so you all know what you are looking for, don't you? If you don't, there is something wrong. You know what you are looking for, you are looking for a mother for your children, for a wife for eternity. You are not looking for a girl just to have fun with, so analyze these girls. That is what courtship is for, so you can analyze them. Take them out; take them to Church, take them for a ride, take them to a show, a dance, and talk about everything in the world that's important—families, standards, activities, family prayers, and all those things. If you are both smart, you are both appraising and weighing all the time.

You could come out and give a girl a questionnaire, and say, "Do you believe in tithing? How many children are you interested in?" and so on. But she could answer all of the questions correctly and get 100% if she wanted you. That isn't the way that you do it. You just visit; and, if you are smart, you will be able to feel, you are entitled to revelation, you see, every one of you, in anything that is as important as this, and this is the most important thing. Now don't make mistakes. If you wanted to, you could take your sweetheart to your Bishop or your Stake president or your Mission President and say, "Well, how do you feel about this?" he might say, "Do you want me to be frank? That isn't the girl for you. She isn't your standard she isn't up to your level. She hasn't the ideals and standards that you have." On the other hand, he may say, "That's wonderful. I have a good feeling" Now, he isn't going to select your companions, but sometimes we get what we call "in love" and nothing is truer in all eternity than the fact that "love is blind."

Sometimes some girls get so blind, having loved so deeply, that they can't see that the man who is courting them, who isn't a member of the Church, never will be; or that if he is, he'll never be a good one. They can't see that, so they gamble their whole eternity on one turn of the wheel. Missionaries have been hungry for two years for a little association with girlfriends, which is normal and natural. When they get home, they can be free, so they rush out and marry the first girl that they see who is attractive and has a line. Be very careful. Then when you have made your decision, you have made it permanently. Go back and put in the bottom of your trunk or in the fireplace, the pictures and letters from your other sweethearts. Remember from that day forward it is she and she alone, all the rest of your days. You never go back and think about your "old flames." You know what I mean; in the possessive sense, you never think about them. Your whole heart and soul, and future and destiny is tied up with this one individual. So do you see how important it is? It is worth all of your efforts to be sure, You are going to make it successful.

One other thing—remember, we all are human. You are men and women. You are biological creatures; you have urges and desires. The Lord has given us urges, desires, and passions, and all arc proper. But remember, He expects us to be controllers of them, to be in total mastery of our situation right from the start. When you go home, you may find that you will go with some girl or some boy who hasn't got quite the same ideals that you have, and maybe there will be some temptations. Remember; no necking, you are not interested in necking. You are not interested in kissing, until you have found the right person. After you have had a number of dates and the individual looks good, and everything is fine up to the moment, then if you want to begin showing a little more affection, that's all right with me.

But let me give you one or two things. A kiss is an evidence of affection. A kiss should be an evidence of love. It should not he an evidence of lust, but it can be. Don't ever let a kiss in your courtship spell lust. Necking and petting are lustful. They are not love. You do not get your arms, your hands, your lips in forbidden places. After you become quite well acquainted and have a fairly good idea that this is the one that you want to promise, then your evidences might increase a little. But always with restraint. Remember what I said about the kiss. If, when you start kissing your sweetheart, you kiss her as you would kiss your mother, there won't by any petting, adultery, or fornication: there won't be any broken lives. Will you remember that? I don't mind your kissing each other after you have had several dates; but not the "Hollywood kiss," not the kiss of passion, but the kiss of affection, and there won't be any trouble. Now remember these things.