If any of you plan to remember anything that I am going to say to you tonight, I would just like to have you write in your notebook that—and I am sure of this—the one business of life is to succeed. I am absolutely certain in my own mind that God did not go to all the trouble of creating this beautiful earth, with all of its utilities and beauties and opportunities, without something very important in mind for those he expected to live here upon it. And I am even more sure that he did not create us in his own image and endow us with these potentially magnificent brains, miraculous personalities, and fantastic physical bodies and then expect us to waste our lives in failure.

Mark Twain once joked that if Joseph Smith had left out the many instances of “and it came to pass” from the Book of Mormon, the book would have been only a pamphlet. There are, however, some very good reasons behind the usage of the phrase—reasons that further attest the authenticity of the Book of Mormon.

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very much aggrieved because he had worked very hard for his money, and he wanted to be able to take it with him to Heaven.

A man is praying to God, "Lord," he prays, "I would like to ask you a question."

Three friends are killed in a car accident and meet up at an orientation session in Heaven.

A little old Christian lady comes onto her front porch every morning and shouts, "Praise the Lord!"

And every morning the atheist next door yells back, "There is no God!"

A young bishop was an avid golfer. One Sunday, his meetings ended early and he decided to sneak out by himself for a quick nine holes.

A man wrote a letter to the IRS saying…

A man stumbles into a deep well and plummets a hundred feet before grasping a spindly root, stopping his fall.